It's Okay

Have there been moments when you feel the only way out of it is through it?

You know you have had enough conversations with yourself. For yourself and against yourself.

When a mistake has been committed, and you tell yourself "let that sink in, you need a reminder, learn to bear some pain so that the regret of mistake converts into a fruitful lesson. Wake up stronger with the pain"

And in minutes you also tell yourself, "Don't be too harsh on yourself. Let things slip by, this is not the end of everything and this would look like nothing in just a few more days. Everything passes if you let it pass. Divert yourself."

And moments like these, when you want someone to say, "It's okay". A situation where you can't forgive yourself for the mistake you did and you desperately search for another voice, from outside you, to tell you that it's okay.

But then, somehow, even that is not enough, because you know that there are high chances that the person is lying to you in an attempt of comfort because they only see your sorrow after the mistake but not the mistake or the guilt that it brought with it. They can only empathize with your sorrow that grew from the guilt, not the guilt itself.

Time passes.

And, time heals?

Is it still healing, if what really happened was not mending, but forgetting?

Most of the time, it's weird how things eventually really pass by. They change. The guilt, the regret. They weaken.

But the memory of the pain remains.

You tend to at times laugh at yourself at how silly you were back then to think of it as a big deal. Because you had walked out of the territory. But the next time you repeat, you are in the same arena. You know you had been there a million times. There is a memory of pain, but not the story of how you overcame it. You have events to recollect from the past to prove yourself that you will eventually be out of the ring, but it's just that you don't know how.